This is a long, complicated story so i shall try and keep it short and simple and to the basics.  Basically for over a year now I have been seeing this guy.  At the beginning it was a drunken kiss and i was dating other guys at the time so when he pursued me i was not interested.  However as i got to know him more i began to like him and eventually last March i decided to give up on the other guys and give him a chance.  Since then it has been so up and down and confusing!  At the beginning everything was fine, but i think we ended up spending too much time together, then we had a fall out over him flirting with a friend and when that blew over, things were really good again and although we never had that talk of what we were, we acted like we were in a relationship.  At the beginning of last summer that then changed, as we are both at uni, and he was in his final year and i still had a year to go. 

In the last week before i went home for the summer i ended up finding him in bed with another girl, so obviously i felt cheated on and was really hurt.  I told him to leave me alone then but that did not last long, as although we argued alot about it, he then decided to tell me that by losing me over him doing something so stupid made him realise he loved me. He grovelled loads and i took my time in deciding what to do about him, because that was the last thing i ever expected to come out of his mouth as we are not the type of people who discuss our feelings for each other ever, which i know is a big problem of ours and probably why im writting this right now.  He then decided he wanted to be honest with me and also told me he had slept wit my best friend before we had slept together, it was around the time he was pursuing me and i kept kissing guys in front of him. So he apologised loads over that too and said he wanted to just make sure everything was out in open.  I did go on hols a few days after that for a month and so just took my time thinking, and during that time he was constantly texting me trying to make up and also it turned out he would be returning to uni this yr and so he wanted to know what i was thinking about us.

When i got home from my holiday i decided to go visit him for a few days and that was the beginnign of me forgiving him. When we both got back to uni in sep we kind of knew we were back to pretty much being in a relationship but still didnt come out and say we were.  Then about a few weeks later i was finding it really hard to trust him again as wed go out to different clubs with our mates and i then found out he was still in contact with the girl who id caught him in bed with and that really hurt me.  He still claims to this day that they are just friends and what he done before was stupid and he wouldn’t do it again.  But to me it just weird that theyv all of a sudden became best friends and im pretty sure he still flirts with her and everytime i see or hear her name i feel ill cus it just hurts me.  Anyways because i found out that he was txting her and found out one night he did go to a club to meet her, but i dont think anything happened as that night he did come home to me, but we had massive argument and decided to call things a day because the lack of trust was an issue.

That didnt last long in the end up, he kept talking to me online etc and i was angry at him but then eventually we ended up going back to each other.  We ended up sleeping together a few times at first and after them wed always be like this is a mistake we cant go back to that and try all over again.  But eventually we ended up giving in and started seeing each other in secret again as obviously all our friends were not keen on us being together due to all the stuff that had gone on.  Then over christmas when we were apart things were really good again. Pretty much in contact 24/7.  He would constantly ring me, rang me when he was on his way home from nights out and started sayin I love you again when he was drunk and being really nice and saying how much he missed me etc.  That was reassuring as I was worried we had just became a sex thing to him but we did kind of have a conversation as to whether we only text each other when we wanted sex and we both said it wasn’t about that and then he said how he never pulls either.  I have pulled other guys, in an attempt to get over this guy but hes still always on my mind.

Since coming back after Christmas things have went a bit weird again.  I know hes concentrating on his uni work but he doesn’t seem that interested in seeing me.  We prob see each other once a week, but sometime it may be even less, and I feel we are drifting apart as we don’t even seem to bother talking that much these days, but then wev had quite a few stupid little rows.  We are both quite alike in that we are stubborn and get annoyed easily so everyone always laughs at us, telling us we act like 5 year olds to each other.  Basically I feel we both try to play it cool because we don’t want to admit how much we like each other and we struggle over who has the power over who.  Like he will fall out with me over stupid things.  For example the other week I lost my bag on a night out and so had no keys to get into my flat, I did not call him that night because I usually do when im out and drunk and he gets annoyed that I ring him and wake him up so the next day he kept asking me where I had stayed and mentioned how he was surprised he didn’t get loads of calls of me like usual and so kept sayin I had obviously pulled (I was at a guy I know house, who yea I did kiss but that all, and I did not tell the guy I like that).  He uses stupid things like this quite a lot to find out if im seeing other guys or not.  That day he went kept sayin I had pulled and asking me where I had stayed then was like well its none of my business you can do what you like but then an hour later he fell out with me over absolutely nothing and just said he couldn’t be bothered anymore, goodbye and when I asked him what I had done he was like whatever.  But by the next day he was speaking to me again.  It’s the little things like that I get so confused over.  Does he actually care about me? Does he want me to be kissing other guys? Or does he not? Also I know he likes to try to act all cool in front of his boys and act like he doesn’t care about me infront of them and like he just out to pull any girl, but pretty much every night hes out he ends up txting me and wanting to see me and when we are together everything is so good and we get on so well.

Basically im just wondering if any male could give me any sort of insight into why guys act like this? Will he ever want a relationship with me? Or is this just about sex? Iv never said I love you back to him, cus hes always said it when he has alcohol in him but I do honestly love him back but too scared to tell him.  I just know I want to be with him and all this not knowing whats going on is frustrating but im so scared that if I push him into making a decision of whether he wants to be with me or nothing that I will lose him.  And although I know its his loss at the end of the day, and obviously hes put me through a lot and doesn’t deserve so many chances and I need to put my foot down but I just keep thinking that maybe some day he will wise up because I think deep down he does care for me, a year is along time for a guy to still be interested but I just wondering if he cares enough about me to make a decision.

Sorry this is so long and any comments will be much appreciated, as all my friends are bias and I just need some fresh opinions.