Okay, here's the deal. I'm dating my pastor's son, who is 17, and I'm 15. We're always together, we talk on the phone every night, and we act like an "item" everywhere. There doesn't seem to be a problem, except for the fact that he won't tell anyone that we're together. He just says, "We've become really close friends." and that's true, but not the whole truth. I'm not sure if i should be hurt or what. Is he trying to keep himslef open for someone else? Is he ashamed because I'm younger than him? WHAT?!?
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When He Wants To Keep You A Secret
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 Unregistered(d) |
What about me? | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 16:34:47) |
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Unregistered(d) |
His Little Secret | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 16:41:31) |
Well I guess like every woman here, I am 'his little secret' and I think I am ok with it .... HELL NO, I aint cool with being his secret.... I am in love with this guy and I dont think I have ever felt this way about anyone...but he is seeing someone else... I am not only his litlle secret but his when things are going great with his girlfriend the person he turns to - I'm a distraction - as much as I love him and I decide to put myself in limbo hoping that I be the one he wants I have set a deadline for all the nonsense to end... 20 more days... I am enduring this because of my new saying - If you love something you've got to let go and if it comes back then it means so much more - we parted ways last year but we got back together no matter the circumstances --- I am fooling myself arent I.... enuf said
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Unregistered(d) |
keeping you a secret | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 17:02:07) |
What I would like to know is are you having sexual relations with this man? If so you need to get away from him WAKE UP, HE'S USING YOU!!!!! You are too good for that and deserve someone that will show you off to everyone!!!!!
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Unregistered(d) |
THE SECRET WOMAN | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 18:11:16) |
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF A WOMAN WHO FOR 20 + YRS HAS BEEN THE OTHER WOMAN, BREAKING UP MY HUSBANDS FIRST MARRIAGE THAN SECRETLY BEING FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS UNTIL HE GETS INVOLVED AGAIN THEN BREAKKS THEM UP BEING BED BUDDIES AGAIN ( AND DURING THOSE PRIOR RELATIONSHIPS SECRETLY) NOW HE IS MARRIED TO ME(3YRS) AND I AM SEEING AND GEARING ABOUT HER CONTACTING HIM AGAIN AND HE RESPONSES TO HER EMAILS AND PAGES SO HE IS TO BLAIM TOO............WHAT DO I DO HE DENIES EVERYTHING I READ AND HEAR, LIKE I AM BEING MADE A FOOL OF LIKE THE OTHER ONES. WHAT DO YOU THINK
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Unregistered(d) |
Maryann | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 18:46:19) |
Hi "Maryann",
I went through this exact same thing with the guy that I am currently dating. I too felt like his little secret and never once did I think that it had anything to do with him. I thought that maybe because I was a single mother, going through school and working a deadend job and didn't have the type of "lifestyle" that he and his friends portrayed, that was what was wrong with ME. I soon realized that it wasn't me, that it was indeed him. I told him that he either started treating me like an equal or I would let go of him. I gave him a couple of days to think it over. Well, it was a matter of him being a commitment-phobic kinda guy, but being the kind of person I am I would not and will not sit on the sidelines. I pushed further and stepped over boundaries, but 2 years later, and after meeting his ENTIRE family and ALL of his friends, I am glad that I pushed when I did. I know giving an ultimatum isn't "nice girl" stuff, but hey, if he wants you he'll step up. Good luck to you, let us know |
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PrettyTulips |
My story | ||
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Posts: 174 (Mar 9, 2006 18:49:58) |
I was a 'hidden woman' too. Here's my story.
I was apart of a yoga community filled with hip monks and practicing yoginis. I met Sanjay, that is the name I will call him for this story. He was raised in India, a monk for 12 years, an author of 3 tantric books currently on amazon and all the women adored him. We hit it off, but because of his popularity and fame, we kept it all a secret. After a year, one of the women who was always trying to hit on him and give him clues she was available came over to his house unannouced and I was there. Word got back to the temple that Sanjay had chosen me for his GF. Because I still ate meat in my diet (Not a popular thing in yoga circles) and because I had my own path that did differ than theirs, they disapproved of us. They freaked out at him at the temple. The women expelled me from their social circle. He had a yoga class that these women were all invited to and I was apart of. AFter they found out, they took me out of the class because one lady was in charge of the contact list. She was so jealous she took me off it. It was Sanjays class but he let her run the books. He didn't protect me or stand up for me, he let her expell me and I was humiliated. I broke up and a while later, got back together with him because we shared a similar mystical path and my mind kept saying, but he's supposed to be evolved! The mind really can screw with you...anyway.. long story short, he NEVER included me after that. We are over, very over and he still doesn't understand why. I've told him I refuse to be a hiddne secret or not protected my him and he still plays dumb. If ONLY these groupie women knew the real Sanjay behind the Famous Sanjay persona they would barf! Anyway, it won't work. Men don't change, if they hide you now, you will be miserable.. |
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Unregistered(d) |
I'M IN THE SAME BOAT!!!!!!!! | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 19:45:18) |
I am going through a similar situation right now. I have been seeing this guy for two whole years. We are not in a serious relationship. I would like for us to be, but I don't think that's what he wants. I have never met his family nor has he ever met mine. I just recently met ONE friend of his and that's only because he took me on a trip to Hawaii (he did pay for everything) and his friend and another gal went with us. Other than that I'm not sure if any of his friends or family even know about me. I am wanting to "give him the boot", but it's so hard because he really is a great guy and he's really good to me. My adice to her would be to get rid of him, but I know how hard it is to do that especially if you really care about the guy. Good luck to you. I'm hoping my situation turns out for the best as well!
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Unregistered(d) |
help me | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 19:45:22) |
Hey people Im in a similar but kind of different situation. Ok theres a guy that i met who just started going out with this one girl but he also has been seeing me on the side. We talk to each other all the time and i swear he likes me better but im to chicken to ask ( i can convince to do anything! even ditch the g/f if he gets to hang out with me).... the thing is i dont think he will ditch the other chick until i make a move..b/c I think that hes not too sure if i really like him or not. but i do really like him but i dont wanna do anything since he has a g/f? any pointers on what to do or tell him?
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Unregistered(d) |
Should I tell her? | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 20:21:47) |
Hi,
I have just "broken up" with a guy i have been seeing on-and-off for 2 1/2 years. We have been on a rollercoaster ride! He started seeing someone else at one stage when we decided to have a break. He then told me he had broken up with her and consistently professed his love for me, constantly calling me, wanting to see me , but i remained his "little secret" He would not commit to me and i have only met a few of his friends. We have become very close and talk openly about his wrong behaviour and he has now decided to see a therapist ( he has identified he has issues, after me telling him a 1000 times) to discuss his issues with women (he has been divorced twice). Last week, he told me that he has begun seeing the other woman again (she has no idea i exist, or any idea about a whole lot of other things). I just told him i have had enough and just cant continue this way anymore. I have asked him not to contact me!! And that I cannot tolerate this behaviour and disrespect anymore. Do you think i should tell her the true story about him? And that the whole time she thought she was in a monogamous relationship, he was in fact seeing me at the same time... or should i jst leave it? |
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Unregistered(d) |
keeping her secret | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 9, 2006 21:20:23) |
it makes you feel uneasy about him, dose he say why he wont take the relationship further? I cant help but give people the benifit of the doubt and jsut wonder if you have ever been out in public together or is it not even at that stage yet. I had a very good friend who was madly in love with a man, who started acting rather strange all her friends said leave him but i knew that when you really like someone its easier said than done, i told her to hang in there and give him space and he came to her and told her he was going thru a bad separtion but he did love her and now 4yrs on they are married. Give him the benifit if the doubt and if he dosent respond then he is not ment to be.
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Unregistered(d) |
Little secret-Big Lies! | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 01:26:30) |
Almost 8 years ago I was in a similar situation, this man was single and I was the one going through a divorce. I could not even give him a return phone call because he never left his number. I was his secret. I asked around about him. As it turns out he wasn't married but he had another "secret" life he did not want me a part of. He was a musician, a druggie and a narcissist egocentrically intellectual who believed (and still does) he is the center of the universe. He was so important to himself he could not bear the thought of sharing his self important lime light with anyone else. He wanted all men to think he was a self made man, (ahem-his father was a Doctor, he was 'A cook') and he wanted all women to think he was available and not interested in them, this would bring himself to the center of attention again. I say Drop him and don't look back. About a year ago, this man began to stalk me because I dumped him. He made attempts at covering up his impoverished state by telling me how great his new "wife" and child were and that he was a changed man. Yet, never once did he ever mention us as a couple, I was just a nice girl he knew. He emailed me consistently, threatened me with lawyers, then tried to flatter me with how well I was doing with my life (Im a single mom in my last year of college and attempting law school later) I won't tell you why he attempted to threaten me, its a personal matter, but the point I am trying to make is the man is a narcissist coward and could not or cannot commit. I later found out his "wife" is actually a girlfriend he had a child with. He was a born loser, still can't hold a job, and still lied to me in everything he told me. He never changed, he just changed tactics on me, I changed my tactics too, and I ignored him. He eventually gave up on contacting me and now I am "ex-free". Dump the looser before you wind up marrying a bum. If he can't commit to you he is likely not able to commit to anything important in life (like a job for instance) and will spend the rest of his life blaming others for any imperfections in himself. Run! And Run fast!
Hugs and care, S |
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Unregistered(d) |
i hope it helps | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 03:20:51) |
hmm.. well practically speaking as our mimi said that when a guy likes or loves u he want to shout it frm mountains. lol . well i think that may be he is taking his time to know u better also it can happen that he wants to be around u with no commitment so the last decision is urs wht u want to b with him. also i ll say that give him less wht he gives u & expects fem u
thanks priya |
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Unregistered(d) |
help me | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 06:51:15) |
how do i give him less of what he expects and wants from me? cuz im not really sure what that is? are you saying i should just avoid him anf let him come to me? im afraid that if i do that he might give up on me. i think he needs a little push but i dont know how to do it
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Unregistered(d) |
I'M A Little Secret | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 11:45:31) |
 Are there any good guys out there? All the guys I come across that have the potential I'm looking for are already involved so there's no other place for me but "hidden" I know everybody says "he's out there, he's out there" but I haven't seen him anywhere. I don't want to be anybody's secret but it seems that men have monopolized the way a relationship will be and they have set a rule that they can have as many secrets as the want(with our help of course). It's easy to say run like the wind when you are the public trophy but it's not that easy to walk away when you're the hidden treasure. SO WHAT DO YOU DO? |
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Unregistered(d) |
Little Secrets | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 11:54:31) |
I was a "little secret" with out knowing it. We lived in different towns, about 45 minutes away and met through a mutual friend. I met one of his friends from work and his parents many of times, but what he told his real friends was that he was single. He got another girl pregnant and I found out when I was playing with his phone and he got a text message from her. He of course denied it, while this girl found out my number and was calling and harassing me, calling me names that no woman deserved to be called. Finally I told him that if he wasn't the dad then we need to get a DNA test so she leaves me alone, so we went and got one and oh how stupid I felt....He was the daddy. She told me that he had never said anything about me to her or to their friends, and he told them he was single, until he started seeing her. He had plenty of time, because for the last 11 months of our relationship I was his LAST priority...we saw each other every 3 weeks, and I was the one going to see him....you don't want to be someones secret, and I'm glad you know you are so you can fix the situation before something happens like it did to me. This guy will rip your heart out, throw it on the ground, stomp all over it like its a roach, and then shove it down your throat. Hunny, I don't know you but no one deserves to be hurt like that.
Love, Jessie 
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DzineGirl |
Re: When He Wants To Keep You A Secret | ||
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Posts: 7 (Mar 10, 2006 12:40:32) |
Ok, we have hit the last straw.
We were on for 5 months, off for 4 months, secretly back on for the past 6 weeks. According to his circle he hasn't seen any one else... BUT - this week he went to a freinds wedding out of state and has not returned one of my phone calls. I know he has received the messages because I have a confirmation receipt sent back to my phone when he picks up his messages. We are not only lovers, but share most of our mutual friends and business associates in our town. Before he left I told him that I wanted us to be on the level and quit hiding.. He is away for this weeding with friends from back home and college. He will be home Saturday. I want to maintain dignity and grace as next week we are heavily committed in industry functions and will be crossing paths alot. All of my colleagues know we have gotten back together, but he hasn't stepped up and socially owned it. I am going back and forth in my head about feeling angry and sad and how to gracefully walk away. I feel as if he isn't even being a friend. We have work projects together and it's just stupid! What to do? |
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CaligirlMegs |
Am I his dirty little secret? | ||
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Posts: 2 (Mar 10, 2006 14:59:58) |
I have been dating my boyfriend exclusively since about June. Well at least that's when he says we started "exclusively" dating. He was dating someone else for the first 6 months of our relationship which I wouldn't have had a cow about if I had known about it.
Anyway, my boyfriend is in the middle of an ugly divorce. His daughter has a life threatening disease that she was born with and they originally thought he was the carrier so his ex blamed him for everything. She was very emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive toward him. When he got back out into the dating game he said he was very shy. He said gave his heart to someone who just stomped on it and him. Now she is trying to take everything he has and using his daughter, whom he loves very much, as leverage. He works a grave yard shift so that he can take his daught to classes 3 days a week. His sleep pattern is way off since he gets off at 8 or 8:30a and picks his daughter up at 12 and has her for 6 hours. Plus he has her ever other week overnight. The time he is not with her, he is with me. He has his own business outside of his actually job and when he needs to go out of town on business, he always asks me if I want to go. The problem is, we have been dating in whole for over a year. I have never met any of his friends or his family. I don't even think they know I exist. When I mention it he talks about how I could be drawn into his divorce because he read it in a book some where that the opposite part does that and since she is looking for reasons to take his daughter away, I would be the best one. I ask him about meeting friends and he says he doesn't even spend time with his friends. Then he tells me how when guys go out they like it to be just the guys because they talk about guy stuff. I ask him if his friends know about me. He says, when do I ever talk to my friends? I blew his lame answers out of the water saying that if his ex was going to question and subpena someone, she could just question and subpena his neighbors since we have gotten into many an argument at his house. Since then he stopped with the subpena answers and just answers with, when do I see my friends? Or do I have friends? I don't know what to do. I know that he is having a tough time in his life with his daughter, schedule, and divorce. Plus our fighting and my being crazy occasionally doesn't help. But am I his dirty little secret? Am I just this woman he is keeping our so he doesn't have to be alone? |
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Unregistered(d) |
NO GIRL! | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 15:07:23) |
NO GOOD MAN IS GOING TO DO THIS TO YOU!
AND WHEN START DATING A MAN WHO IS ALLOWED TO DIS U LIKE THAT IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE NOT BETTER. WHEN YOUR MAN STARTS TO WANT TO SHOW OFF THE LADY HES DATING ITS GOING TO BE ONE WHO WILL NOT ALLOW HIM TO ACT THIS WAY AND HES GOING TO DUMP YOU.. OLD RULE OF THUMB HERE - PEOPLE TREAT U THE WAY U ALLOW THEM TOO! PLEASE YOUR TO GOOD FOR HIM AND HIS NONSENCE SEE THIS BEFORE U GET ANYMORE HURT! REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT MEN THEY RESPECT STRENGTH NOT WEAKNESS AND YOUR SHOWING HIM U WILL TAKE WHAT HE GIVES U NO MATTER HOW BAD IT MAYBE.. JENNIFER |
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Unregistered(d) |
O BOY | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 15:15:10) |
FROM ALL YOU SAID ITS CLEAR WHAT HE LIKES ABOUT BEING WITH YOU THE SEX..
SORRY SWEETY BUT READ WHAT U WROTE OVER AND OVER TILL YOU SEE YOUR OWN TRUTH. HES USING YOUR BODY! NOT RIGHT END IT! JENNIFER |
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CaligirlMegs |
He's Just Not that Into You | ||
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Posts: 2 (Mar 10, 2006 15:18:45) |
Has anyone read "He's Just Not That Into You"? I have "listened" to it (audiobook) and told my boyfriend about it. He actually wants to listen to it with me and we got to the bottom of a couple of his behaviors. There are some exceptions I am sure. I know there are some guy who are afraid of relationships, love, etc but we really have to ask ourselves (myself included) do we really want to put up with that horse pucky or do we want to be in a rewarding relationship with someone who loves us enough to shout to the world their love.
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