I have been sleeping with a man for a few month now. He's been engaged for the last 20 years. He tells me he did not promise in front of God yet. I know them both. I'm recently out of a 10 year relationship. He sees me everyweekend, been calling me 2-3 times a day for 4 months, He coplains about here every time we see eachother, but tells me he loves her. And that we will never end up together. Calls me every day to say "I love you" I love him too, always have, but never said anything until I was free to do so. He told me that he loves me on many different levels, and sometimes does not want to have sex, just wants to hold me. This is very starnge....
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he's not married, but...
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 ellabella101 |
he's not married, but... |
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Posts: 9 (Mar 9, 2006 14:00:12) |
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termessi |
Re: he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 118 (Mar 9, 2006 14:18:15) Forum Moderator |
Hi, I am sorry for your pain however it really seems as if this is a no-win situation.
You both may be suffering from "rebound" and you need to work through this before you can be with someone else. You say that you've always loved him and he loves you however he won't leave her and tells you that you'll never be together. That seems to me to be contradictive. He seems to want both you and her and that is not fair unless you agree to it. I'd say give yourself some time to be alone and sort through your feelings and leave him be. If he cares that much about you he'll do something to make your and his relationship work. Engaged for 20 years? That gives me a huge clue!! Hope it clicks with you too. Good luck and hope you can move on and find someone deserving of you. |
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ellabella101 |
I guess I should know...once a cheater, always a cheater... | ||
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Posts: 9 (Mar 9, 2006 17:14:18) |
should I give him an ultimatum? We are just such a perfect fit, I'm too scared to do that, or give him more time. He did say, moments before the first time we were together, that what would I do if in six months he told everyone, could I handle the kind of bad looks I would gat from all our mutual friends. We both have all the same friends, and nobody knows.
I think she's been so long with him, he would feel bad...but he cheated on her 3 other times. I guess I should know...once a cheater, always a cheater... For the first time in my life I know the meaning of: "Love hurts..." like in the song, that's how much i love him and am willing to tolerate this situation. Nothing can stop him from coming over on weekends, his health, the wather, his mom...or his girlfirend, he puts me first, always, how long can this go on... Is there anything i can say to him? |
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Unregistered(d) |
he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 0 (Mar 10, 2006 10:00:07) |
He sounds very clear to me. He does not want to be with you, ever! So why give him an ultimatum?
Of course he says he loves you, how else will he keep you there? He lives in heaven: one woman (who he loves) for during the week. another woman (who he "loves") for the weekend. What else can he asks for? He must be so happy. And you? Of course this situation is causing you a lot of emotional pain. It hurts bad. You need to get yourself out of this place just as you got yourself into it. It's hard because you love him, but you must think of the long term. As much as it's difficult, you must try concetrate on other things. It's time to do things that you like. if you are not motivated for that then try meditation. But before all that, you should cut all contact with him completely, this is in my opinion the fastest way to let go of someone. you are sort of "addicted" to him now and getting rid of this "addiction" is very hard at first but gets easier within time. Hope I've helped. |
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sum1interested06 |
Re: he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 8 (Mar 10, 2006 12:57:36) |
A BIG sign is that he has been engaged for 20 YEARS!!!!!! something is wrong somewhere in his mind....playing the feild while holding onto another woman...that is totally wrong...that player needs to be played.
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sum1interested06 |
Re: he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 8 (Mar 10, 2006 13:02:50) |
As for you ms ella I hope you can meet a man who will be true to you and not need so many others and i mean others no telling how many others he has on his string....you are a very special person deserve so much better...though this is a decision only you can make but respect yourself and realize that there is someone out there for you too...don't settle for seconds....love is just a word to him it has no meaning to him...cause he probably tells her that he loves her too in several different ways....ms ella I wish you the best and hope you open your eyes to this jerk.
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ellabella101 |
Re: he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 9 (Mar 10, 2006 13:07:21) |
"...that player needs to be played. " You know what? My mom said the same thing! (I'm almost 40 and still listen to mom) She said, use him for what you can, in the bedroom, around the house with the kids, gifts etc... She said you have no obligation to him, so get what you can, love or whatever...and leave it at that. he has been very helpful with things around the house  I'll just leave at that. BTW: I never call him, and will never call him. I guess sometimes it's best just to let things play out on their own. Final thought - I will love him forever, no matter what. |
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PrettyTulips |
oooooew | ||
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Posts: 174 (Mar 10, 2006 18:39:38) |
Oh my God girl, get him off your skirt!
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IndigoTash |
Re: oooooew | ||
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Posts: 186 (Mar 12, 2006 17:04:57) Banned User |
Oh my God... Maybe if you love him, you should do a favour and love yourself ontop of him. If you want to play around with him, make him come to your house, do whatever he is good around your house, but never let him get into your pants. Do the extreme. Don't let him get anything from you at all. That way he knows how bad he is, AND it will prevent you from getting more addicted to him. Like what the other ladies have said so many times, please have a little respect for yourself, cause deep inside you know that he will never love you enough to be with you, he will never love you that way... I'm sorry girl, but that's the way it is, move on and do yourself a good favour...
There are many fish in the sea...
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sandieblue2 |
Re: oooooew | ||
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Posts: 51 (Mar 16, 2006 15:44:17) |
Girl!!! you need to leave this man ALONE!!!!! (MEN USUALLY SAY WHAT THEY MEAN, SO TAKE IT A FACE VALUE) You need to start loving yourself more. Once you start loving and caring for yourself.....men would come to you a dime a dozen. Don't put yourself throught that pain. I can't believe that you know his wife, and your sleeping with her man.....that's a NO NO!!!!!
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ellabella101 |
Winter...Spring...Summer...Fall... | ||
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Posts: 9 (Mar 20, 2006 23:28:48) |
I just wanted to see if anyone has been though something like this...I have known him for over 10 years. and this just happend now. I can't help it, that I'm in love with him. I guess I was looking for someoneto tell me,that "yes,it will be OK", I know in my hart he will be there forever...and he promised that no matter what happens...he will be there for me...Winter...Spring...Summer...Fall...all you have to do is...
Thanks |
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ellabella101 |
more | ||
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Posts: 9 (May 15, 2006 10:08:57) |
Things have been kind of easy and we see each other on weekends, not always having sex. This weekend was strange, we took a ride in the car, and he tells me he's not happy, and told HER so, he told her they should split. The whole time holding my hand tight. He wants to be happy. I was to scared to ask if this is getting more serious with us, I was too scared, because I did not want to show how much I really care about him, I actually gave him advice to go easy on her, how stupid am I? Now I regret not putting it out there and ask him straight forward what he really means. He misses me and loves me, so he tells me. Should I just play it cool, and see what happens? I think there is someone at his job he was interested in a while back, but I'm afraid to mention her name. A few times I did, he told me not, nothing is going on with here, and he's turned off by her, and just loves me. How much more proof do i need to know for sure what he's thinking, while he might not even know himself what he wants. But it's eating me inside, and I want to know now. I guess I should have post this in the "vent" section. Should I just play the wait game. I guess what's meant to be will be, but I want him to know in a subtle way, I'm totally in love with him. He said he will call later....he always does. Every day, for the last 6 months. 2-3-4 times a day. What does this all mean. Who can understand man? I guess Mimi does. I read her emails everyday.
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yjmccoy |
Re: he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 17 (Jun 6, 2006 07:06:35) |
Get a grip!! Stop and see the patterns this man has created around you. Engaged to one woman for 20 years. Twenty years. You are next. Why are wasting time? What about your needs and wants. Girl get off the marry-go-round, right about now you should be very dizzy. I know I am just from reading your post. Love, ha tell me when was the last time you LOVED yourself first. Take some time out for you, travel and see the world. Date other men, get a life. You are so empty inside, share you life with people who what to be there for you 24/7. Stop giving this man advise on other women, how silly of you. I bet if you were sleeping with other men, and asked his advise he would stop calling you. You say your afraid to even question him. I don't get it, I don't. It's you not him, he just going along with the flow. I think you like pain. I think you love to be the second pickings. I think you think very low of yourself, that you deserve to be a "Lady in waiting".
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termessi |
Re: he's not married, but... | ||
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Posts: 118 (Jun 6, 2006 10:36:37) Forum Moderator |
I think that was just plain rude. There was no reason to attack like that. Most people on here are hurting enough, they don't need more ridicule.
I'm not saying I agree with her choices but all of us make choices that otheres would not agree with. Please think about what you're saying before putting it down on paper. Thank you. |
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ellabella101 |
it's me again | ||
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Posts: 9 (Jun 6, 2006 11:05:33) |
Sometimes we all need a dose of reality, but, yes, when you are in love you don;t see things as clearly, and sometimes you hear something else then what the loved one is telling you, because you want to believe that he loves you. I think I just am so in love, and my judgment is clouded...what will be will be. I can not dwell on it. It's been now well over 6 months of this. He gave her an ultimatum to change, because their relationship was going downhill for the last year, so now she has 3 days to change or else, but that still does not mean he wants to leave her if she does not change and be with me. I think that after 20 years it's not that easy to leave someone. I'm not waiting for him. And will continue to see him if he wants. I will not give an ultimatum. I'm not perfect either. I wish he loved me and left her. But maybe it's not meant to be. I'm too much in love with him. I do not call him and beg him or anything but he know how i feel about him. I know he loves me. He tells me every day. I guess just not as much as her. it is possible. Once I was in love with 2 people. I did finally make a choice. And once he does, and tells me his relationship id going good and they will get married, I will not sleep with him again.
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yjmccoy |
RE | ||
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Posts: 17 (Jun 7, 2006 22:21:54) |
Sweety, I'm not being rude and if you feel I am, I'm truely am sorry, forgive me. I just hate to see a good woman hurting. Love is what is it, or how you view it. I've read your posting and not once have I heard say anything WONDERFUL about you. I just believe once you stop and take a good look at yourself, you'll stop hurting. To stop this back and forth for you, look at self, be true to thy self. That's where all your answers are, in YOUR HEART. I'm feel your pain, there's so much things going on out there in the world, ie STD's...
You deserve much more and in time you'll get what you truely desire in a mate. I pray that you get you back. Once again, I not trying to be mean, I'm just real in my words and actions. |
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