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My Recent Posts · (Dec 1, 2008

I hadn't seen this guy for TEN YEARS and yes in high school we had a little crush on each other...I met up wth him 2 weeks ago and we have been seeing each other in secret...He has a partner and I am married (recently seperated) the thing is (and yes I know cheating is bad) it was a bit of fun to start but suddenly I have had feelings come into play...

I am unsure how he feels as I made it quite clear that it was a ll a bit of fun and nothing else from the start and well we get along great everything there for a relationship you know.

We talked about relationships and the like when we first started to talk and I know that he hasn't cheated before...And Yes I believe him... I have asked him why this is different and he just tells me he doesn't know what it is about me that he is attracted to exactly he just is and that he wants me....

I have visited them as a couple and well he seems un interested in her when I am there and I know she has questioned if there is anything going on between us...He doesn't seem to want all the commitment she wants etc...

I do not know how he ''feels'' more so what he shows without meaning to if that makes sense...

With these feelings suddenly coming into play I am at a loss, I want to be with him.....

What do I do?

My Recent Posts · (Dec 2, 2008

Although I do not agree with what you are doing, I do respect your honesty here on the forum. I tend to blunt so please forgive my frankness. I do not mean to criticise if it comes off that way.

You are recently separated. Are you sure it's over? Only you can answer that. If it's not, you are closing the door on your marriage permanently. So now you have a new guy you enjoy being with. That's great but why do you enjoy his company? Is he treating you with attention your husband didn't show you? Here's what happened to me. I got involved with someone new before my divorce was finalized. The attraction was that this new man "listened" to me. He cared about what I was saying. This was a quality that was missing in my husband. Because of the different kind of attention, I fell hard!! Truth be told, I had NO business getting involved with anyone at that time. I had healing to do. At the time I was so ready for the marriage to be over that there was no question it was over for me BUT I still had to get over the anger and figure out what was next for me. The last thing I needed was a new relationship. Because of the venerable state I was in, I ignored the glaring, blinking red flags of the new guy. In the end I was badly hurt.

The glaring, blinking red flag for you is this guy is cheating on someone to be with you (if it wasn't you it would be someone else). What happens if he leaves her to be with you? Will you ever be able to trust him? Do you really want a man who cheats? If he sincerely does not want to be with this other woman, than he needs to make a clean break before getting involved with another. If you choose to get more involved, how long before YOU are the one being cheated on?

The rebound guy I got involved with cheated on me. Let me tell you something.............it HURTS! Don't be the other woman. You are too good for that. You deserve this mans full attention or no attention at all. The fact that you know this other woman under the pretense of being friendly makes it all the worse. The "other woman" also befriended me. I hate her with all of my being to this day for being an evil, hateful liar and home wrecker. As for the ex-boyfriend......well I'm not too fond of him either. They deserve each other but their affair didn't last. The point is, their actions sent my life into a tail spin. I deserved it from the standpoint of not giving myself time to heal before getting involved and ignoring the obvious red flags BUT I'm a decent, good woman (as I'm sure you are). I didn't deserve how they treated me. It was one hard lesson to learn. Please don't learn this lesson the hard way.

I hope this helps.

Author	Comment
theotherwoman	the othe woman	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1 (Dec 1, 2008 23:23:53) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I hadn't seen this guy for TEN YEARS and yes in high school we had a little crush on each other...I met up wth him 2 weeks ago and we have been seeing each other in secret...He has a partner and I am married (recently seperated) the thing is (and yes I know cheating is bad) it was a bit of fun to start but suddenly I have had feelings come into play... I am unsure how he feels as I made it quite clear that it was a ll a bit of fun and nothing else from the start and well we get along great everything there for a relationship you know. We talked about relationships and the like when we first started to talk and I know that he hasn't cheated before...And Yes I believe him... I have asked him why this is different and he just tells me he doesn't know what it is about me that he is attracted to exactly he just is and that he wants me.... I have visited them as a couple and well he seems un interested in her when I am there and I know she has questioned if there is anything going on between us...He doesn't seem to want all the commitment she wants etc... I do not know how he ''feels'' more so what he shows without meaning to if that makes sense... With these feelings suddenly coming into play I am at a loss, I want to be with him..... What do I do?
rudyderunt		#1	[-]
Posts: 35 (Dec 2, 2008 11:14:11) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Although I do not agree with what you are doing, I do respect your honesty here on the forum. I tend to blunt so please forgive my frankness. I do not mean to criticise if it comes off that way. You are recently separated. Are you sure it's over? Only you can answer that. If it's not, you are closing the door on your marriage permanently. So now you have a new guy you enjoy being with. That's great but why do you enjoy his company? Is he treating you with attention your husband didn't show you? Here's what happened to me. I got involved with someone new before my divorce was finalized. The attraction was that this new man "listened" to me. He cared about what I was saying. This was a quality that was missing in my husband. Because of the different kind of attention, I fell hard!! Truth be told, I had NO business getting involved with anyone at that time. I had healing to do. At the time I was so ready for the marriage to be over that there was no question it was over for me BUT I still had to get over the anger and figure out what was next for me. The last thing I needed was a new relationship. Because of the venerable state I was in, I ignored the glaring, blinking red flags of the new guy. In the end I was badly hurt. The glaring, blinking red flag for you is this guy is cheating on someone to be with you (if it wasn't you it would be someone else). What happens if he leaves her to be with you? Will you ever be able to trust him? Do you really want a man who cheats? If he sincerely does not want to be with this other woman, than he needs to make a clean break before getting involved with another. If you choose to get more involved, how long before YOU are the one being cheated on? The rebound guy I got involved with cheated on me. Let me tell you something.............it HURTS! Don't be the other woman. You are too good for that. You deserve this mans full attention or no attention at all. The fact that you know this other woman under the pretense of being friendly makes it all the worse. The "other woman" also befriended me. I hate her with all of my being to this day for being an evil, hateful liar and home wrecker. As for the ex-boyfriend......well I'm not too fond of him either. They deserve each other but their affair didn't last. The point is, their actions sent my life into a tail spin. I deserved it from the standpoint of not giving myself time to heal before getting involved and ignoring the obvious red flags BUT I'm a decent, good woman (as I'm sure you are). I didn't deserve how they treated me. It was one hard lesson to learn. Please don't learn this lesson the hard way. I hope this helps.

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